Koshas

I've been trying to evolve my yoga practice beyond the physical asana practice by reading more yoga philosophy. I came across an article about the confusion of defining oneself since there are multiple parts of ourselves like our physical identity, our beliefs and opinions, our job, our emotions, and our spiritual selves, just to name a few. The article identified this crisis with the 5 sheaths, or koshas of the soul. The term, koshas is found within the yoga philosophy. It states that these 5 layers encase the soul and function as a journey into the soul starting from the first kosha, the physical and most tangible aspect of ourselves to the last kosha, the spirit. According to yoga philosophy, any question of who you are or the meaning of life can be solved by exploring all of these layers of the self; physical, breath, mental, wisdom, and spirit. Once each kosha is fully understood and acknowledged, one can appropriately apply to areas of areas in one's life instead of focusing on a few layers, like the mental or the physical which is limiting. Understanding and acknowledging each of the koshas only gives you more control and enlightenment in your life.

Motivation

I haven't continued or started any major photography projects since I graduated college 4 years ago. I was really interested in street documentary and environmental portraits focusing on young artists. I loved to edit out the best 12-20 photographs and insert into a handmade book. I loved to create books by hand, cutting pages and binding them with thread and needle and using pen and ink to write the titles. I create a few books one of of my favorites being images of people isolated from each other using the backdrop of California. I miss those projects and think that I could expand on some of the subjects or create my own since my interests have narrowed to a few activities. I am sharing a few of my favorite photographs from college. I'll start off with a few photographs from two of my environmental portrait series which were all shot using a view camera and strobe lights. The first three are from my "Young Artist" series and the last ones are from my "Yiayia" series. Enjoy!

A Good Practice

What makes yoga so amazing? Is it because one realizes the mind, body, and spirit can finally connect and be one strong entity? Such were the thoughts from today's practice which was such an amazing practice. I took my time with my practice and was very patient in learning which is a lengthy process; today's practice took a total of 2 hours! I feel that I'm starting to put the pieces together, learning about my body not through what my teacher and peers tell me, but my listening and looking and feeling what my body needs or doesn't need. I can't say much else. Everything else in life seems incomplete and unsolved, but so did yoga. Maybe I have to put those pieces together, the yoga pieces, in order to put the pieces of my life together...

Another Float, Another Day

I just came back from another floating session, my third one in total with my friend Natasha. In comparison to my other floats, this floatation session was unpleasant and frustrating. More of a mental experience unlike the spiritual and body heavy experiences from the previous sessions. For starters, my body was constantly hitting up against the wall which is imperative to the whole "sensory depravation" experience. I found myself constantly touching the wall so that I wouldn't rotate as much and when I would finally let go, I would hit my arm, foot, and head against the wall. I feel that the moments and emotions leading up to the session are partially or perhaps entirely to blame. I was definitely not enthusiastic to go floating the day before and was even considering canceling. I am unsure as to why I felt that way, but I just felt that floating would be awkward this time around. Also, I had a long and an emotional conversation with a friend of mine minutes before starting my session. It also didn't help talking about the events that were bothering me in my life to this friend. If there was one thing I learned from the floating tank today, was that I need to love and trust myself. That I can attract these people who make me feel so awful. Even if I've been unknowingly rude in the past, that still bares no right to have the same done unto me. From the relaxation of tank, I've seen that these words used upon me, these cold, harsh words, made me feel so dreadful if I spoke the same to others who could have felt as I feel now.

Practice Notes

Using a mirror for Headstand made me realize I need to use my triceps more. I was away from the wall and didn't even think about being afraid of falling because I was so focused on opening the chest and pulling the shoulder away from the neck. This action really stabilized the pose. I'll have to focus on the legs next time.

Just Another Day Floating in California

I floated again this morning which is the second time I've floated. I went to the Iynegar Institute for a Level 3-5 2 hour class with a teacher by the name of Janet. The class went well, very well and was centered around Virasana. Janet's teaching reminded me of Kathleen because it was more about focusing on the actions of one or two poses instead of working on a variety of poses in order to warm up for a more intense pose. Patrina's classes are more like the latter and always involve Headstand and Shoulderstand. Both are good classes, but very different. Even though I only had 4 teachers (2 continuous and 2 for one day workshops), I really enjoyed Janet and she is probably one of my favorites. Patrina is great, but very competitive and intense which is exactly what I need, but can be very draining. It's too bad I live in Chicago and can't take advantaged of all the wonderful teachers the Institute has to offer. I've been thinking about taking classes to teach. There is a 1 year and 2 year program. Would be nice to start seriously considering it and asking my teacher if she thinks I'm ready and see if that is something I should do with my life.

So, floating went really good this time. Very subtle and mellow. Last time which was my first time ever floating was extremely intense. I faced so many fears like death and loneliness and questions about the meaning of life and time. I also got up 3-4 times while floating. I felt like I was in the womb or outer space. It was a definate trip. This time was nothing like that and I'm wondering if it had anything to do with Saturday night in Dolores Park. After that freak out, I felt so good and observant of everything, like life was what I made of it and I am completely in control of my actions, feelings, and choices. If I'm negative, so will be my life. I also felt like I was watching myself watching life which was intense on so many different levels. Yogis, philosophers are always talking about the third self or third eye and never understood it. I also faced me being so "uptight" and trying to let go. Could this be way my floating session was so mellow and chill? I was already ok and tackling some of the "heavy" stuff previous? I hope I take more out of the last few days instead of forgeting about it all once I go back home. I hope I can really let go and be ok. But I felt that way, in the tank. I felt so empty and calm.

Pranayama Continued

Today was the third Pranayama session. I hate saying it, but I feel like I'm struggling with not only doing Pranayama, but getting it as well. I feel like I don't remember anything from last class and this class refreshed my memory. We practiced Savasana and then Ujjayi and Viloma laying down. I would describe Ujjayi as one longer, deep, smooth inhalation follow by a pause and a longer, deep, smooth exhalation. I would describe Violma as dividing the breath in sections. So, before beginning a normal breath is needed followed by a Ujjayi inhalation and then exhaling all the air out. Now, in Violma when inhaling the breath it's inhaled from the pelvis region to the navel, a pause, and then continuing the inhalation from the pelvis region to the lower, a pause, and then continuing to breath from the lower chest to the upper chest, a pause, and then a slow and deep exhalation. This is Violma I. Violma II is done the same except the exhalations are divided and the inhalation is one breath. Violma III is both the inhalation and exhalation are divided. Of course, normal breathing cyclings are needed inbetween each Violma breath.

Now, where I get confused is the seated positioning and breathing techniques.

One of the techniques is: Bhramari. A deep Ujjayi inhalation and then a deep exhalation with a humming or murmuring sound like that of a bumble-bee. There is no retention of the breath.

Another is Sanmukhi Mudra in which use the fingers to keep out external sounds, lights, and other distractions. Placing the thumb-tips in the ear-holes, the fore and middle fingers to close the eyes, the middle finger tips to draw the upper lids down, and the fore-finger tips to cover reamining space above to keep out the light.

Last technique is called Digital Pranayama which is the placement of placing the fingers on the nose for even inhalation or exhalation. It's not just sticking one finger on one nostril and breathing, there more precision.

Now, none of these can be mastered until a good Savasana is achieved.

Pranayama

Finished my first Pranayama course yesterday afternoon. First thing my teacher says right after walking in is, that if you had an intense day, conversation, or feelings that you really won't reap the benefits of Pranayama. Unfortunate since so much was rumbling in my mind prior to class. She was right as we were setting the stage for the class, my mind was tired and ready to sleep.

Back to Pranayama. What is Pranayama? If you break down the word, Prana means Energy or Life Force and Yama means Control. Therefore Pranayama is the control of the breath.

In your face are four of the five sense organs. The eyes, the nose, the ears, and the mouth. We have these sense organs to relate ourselves to the external world. And receive messages so that we can respond to them. With pranayama, we detach ourselves from the external world. So we want to be aware of our sense organs to move inward instead of externally attached.

The breath, think about that for a moment. Breath is everything. According to the yogis, the first indicator that you are alive is from your first breath and when you die is when you've breathed your last breath. So, what happens when you contour the breath? If the breath gives you life force, what will happen when you slow it , contour, or even pay attention to it? That is what I am soon to find out...

In class we started with a discussion on cautions and warnings. Such as, not practicing prananyama on a full stomach or on an empty stomach (though I find that terribly difficult when practicing first thing in the morning before going to work). Also, not just anyone can start pranayama. It takes a well practiced Iynegar student to start practicing.

Always start pranayama with a good Savasana. Make sure that you are completely symmetrical which is sometimes hard since we are more stiff in certain sides of the body. Start with four blankets which were folded into thicker and wider rectangles. Can be folded into the narrow rectangles, but the wider one gives the body more space to rest easily. Two of these are placed longside for the torso to rest on. The other two blankets are folded an additional time for the head and neck to rest. The forehead must be higher than the chin. Open the chest. A good pranayama sessions lays so much attention on opening the chest.

With seated positions it is a good practice to first start out with two blankets folded on the floor right against the wall with your back up against it. Open the chest, let the head drop. I took a yoga wrap and placed it under the neck so that the head would drop, while making sure the chest would still be open. If the wrapped dropped, it was an indicator that I wasn't opening the chest.

We started with two different breathing exerices. The first called ujjayi. More on this next time....

More Personal Practice Notes...

After today practice with the girls. Not only am I not using my legs, but my arms, especially the triceps, fail to work in the poses. Just like the shins, the elbows are overflexible and make the thighs and arms slack. Before getting into Uttita Trikonasana, stand a little while longer with the legs spread apart and the arms outstretched. Bring my attention to the forearms and triceps. Face the palms up, toward the ceiling. This action engages those parts of the arms. Face the palms down again and while moving into the pose, keep this action of the arms. Fall into the pose. This is more helpful because my tendency is to just immediately fall into the pose and then work on perfecting it, whereas I should have it perfected even before falling into the pose and perfecting it, in the slightest. I do this in class and notice I am far behind everyone else because in class, we need to fall into the poses. Also, when in Uttitha Trikonasana, try facing the lower hand out to engage the triceps, like in Headstand. {A note on Headstand, pull the arms closer to the wall.}

I am told that I tighten my abs and diaphram in my poses. Why I am doing this? What can I do to loosen the grip?

Practice really basic poses like Tadasana with arms raised above the head. Also, look at the poses I'm good at and ask, "Why is this easy for me? What can I do to make it more difficult? What other muscles can I work on/ am neglecting? Why are the muscles working in this pose, but not in the others?"

More and more

There comes a time especially if you as undisciplined as I am, where you find something that you try to continually practice and feel as if you are getting nowhere. I find that time and time again in my pracitices with yoga. Getting bored, inconsistent, and very discouraged. That's where I realized I need to face some fears, one being, doing headstand in the middle of the room. One day in class most people set up by the wall and there was no room for me and I was just sick of it and did headstand in the middle of the room which may seem like nothing, but to me is everything. I was so afraid of it and tried to avoid it and became frustrated so often. I also realized I should incorporate more pranayama and floating. I guess it depends on why you do yoga, for physical or for something else. I choose the latter and find myself having to work on the breath and the mind a bit more. As far as floating is concerned, I floated once a few weeks ago. I am asked how I felt and I answer in this over excited way, but when I think back on how I felt in the tank, I don't think I liked it that much. I faced all kind of fears like death, maybe because of the book I was reading at the time about a man trying to avoid death and living for hundreds of years. Did I experience thing that most people feel while high on drugs? I more impressed with the idea of a tank. When I was in there, I felt like there was a complete new territory to explore. It's not that I never thought of death, life, being, living, the mind and its behaviors, and patterns, how the life that we live is nothing in comparrison of being completely free and still, I've thought these before, but when in the tank, it feels more direct, more personal, real, no bullshit, you're not reading it, but experiencing it. Could I handle this? Or should I just walk away saying that I just couldn't handle it. Or was I just not ready when I was younger, but now I am.

Fasting Time

Today is the first day of my juice fast. I ate nothing but fruits and vegetables the past two days with the occassional 3 chips, scoop of guacomole, and crackers. I have to tell you that just the prep work was really tough. There were moments especially when I was surrounded by people or just driving around, that I felt like I should quit. Luckily, when I was home alone I felt it was necessary to continue. Already on the first day I have a runny nose. I'm told that it is all in my head and that can be true, but it also can not. One strange thing already was the intense sharp pain in my left kidney which was quickly overcome by a visit the bathroom. Last night, I tried headstand and noticed an iimmediate difference. I believe because of the lightness of my body in regards to weight and clearity of mind, the asana was not just a struggle.

It's only 11AM, I'll have to see what happens later on in the day...